The Slobber

I have to admit I was stunned that Kevin had covertly brought his puppy to work in his backpack. A cute puppy named Milo. The little guy had been passed around the office, and been held and petted all day long. By that evening, the puppy was scared, exhausted and openly shaking. This kept most of my coworkers from hassling it, and could tell it needed to be left alone. Ted didn’t see it that way. Ted is a coworker of mine known for his awkward high fives and uncomfortable conversation. Ted finagled his way towards Milo and tossed him up into his arms. His voice was overflowing with high pitch tones fit for an infant and was putting his face in the dog’s and shaking him around.

Ted was so into this puppy, it almost made me feel like I need to leave him alone. As if I was protruding on an intimate reunion between two lovers. It was unpleasent to say the least. So as I am looking at the ground avoiding eye contact, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a glossy string of slobber trickling out of the corner of his mouth connected to the puppy. Instantly uncomfortable, I tried to get out of the situation as quickly as possible to avoid any further embarrassment for both of us.

But then Ted did the unthinkable. He denied the slobber. Straight up no acknowledgement of the shiny drool that he is now wiping from his face and leaving on the dog. I was stunned at what I had just been a witness to. A string of Ted’s saliva was strung across Milo’s back… and nothing.

I lost faith in all humanity at that moment. I have never experienced a moment so painfully awkward.

Why Ted… Why?